


i thought i was over you

by InWayTooManyFandoms



Series: i'm just venting out my emotions [2]
Category: N/A - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 07:53:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16782799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InWayTooManyFandoms/pseuds/InWayTooManyFandoms
Summary: did someone say time to overthink?…..I'm just sad and writing is my outlet





	i thought i was over you

its been a year

a year since my fondest memories

I should be okay. I am okay. 

but I cant look at our happy memories together without sadness. my happiest memories are tainted, they leave a bitter taste in my mouth

memories are nostalgic, and nostalgia yearns for what was

youth is short, and emotions are fickle. I don't believe in emotions.

emotions are part of the present, but the present becomes the past in the blink of an eye. what concrete characteristics do I hold? what can define me if everything is changing. constantly changing

I see you've changed too. 

youre no longer my best friend. we can no longer confide in each other. yes, I understand friendships don't stand the test of time. but a selfish part of me wants to return to our teenage years of carefree being. when the hardest decisions was what to do in the summer

I guess that's how it is

now im trapped in a dimension of myself and my feelings. as if I had ever left. ive been in this state long before you entered my life

some days seem dark, like today. days when your bed is your only solace, the only thing you have to comfort yourself. I am still in bed. I have no one to fully trust, never have, and likely never will. the gloominess hangs like smog. polluting the freshness of people's smiles, clogging my senses

other days are grey, like the sun has been etched out of existence. the skies are full of clouds, but there's no rain. the clouds hold their tears back, they don't show emotion. like myself on these days when the grey of the sky sucks out the colour of living. things seem faker than usual. these are days of dread. dread that I wont feel anymore, that I will stay as an empty hollow shell

rarer are the occasions where I don't need to fake my happiness. when im what I consider, my true self. the self that speaks the loudest. is the best version, because I don't have to lie. I can exist without the pressure of society pushing me into a service sector role, where emotions are a marketing point, an act for the people

but its a cycle, I know. ive lived with it for years. one day of pure joy is followed up by weeks of greyscale, then to be hit with a black hole at the end. and back to the beginning

Ive started to speak about this to the people around me, but its hard to tell the people closest to you. I don't want them to worry. I just want to seem normal. to not disappoint. but does anyone really care?

does anyone care when emotions are fickle. when things can alter so easily, like lies covering the truth

I don't want them to care

if they don't care, life is easier

you probably didn't care, and for that thank you. once I find something, someone in my life to replace the gap u made, i'll be complete

until then, I can rest knowing im broken. it gives me identity

so when I fall of the face of this earth,

I might know who I am and people can continue living with their ideals

they can continue living without having to think so much about the dead. those who have passed on. they can live in the future, not the past

they'll be okay


End file.
